PTA Gangster Mom

PTA Gangster Mom

“PTA moms are cray cray!”   

I’m in my PTA meeting, pen in hand, sitting at the square table. A tiny little gnat buzzing around while, all the moms try to swipe at it, waiting for our meeting to start. I’m hungry, my growling empty stomach is loud, so loud that the mom next to me offered me a breakfast bar. I should have packed a snack the night before, but figured I had time to grab a croissant from Starbucks before dropping off my kids to school. Haha, my 11-year-old was in rare form this morning. She had a wardrobe malfunction, changing her clothes three times, I’m not kidding, three freaking times, I’m like, “Hurry up little girl”, uh, shaking my head, so I didn’t get a chance to eat. Anywho, we’re all chatty, in walks, PTA gangster mom. I feel an instant energy shift, we all did. She’s sporting her usual attire, plaid strip blue, and redshirt, blue Jordache jeans, same ole tired-ass ponytail, nerdy type bifocals and her fake ass Cheshire cat smile, looking like she is the perfect angel examining the room to pick her next prey.  Our eyes locks, she gives me that under-the-radar vice-president Pence smile, “that”, it is I, the chosen one that should be bullied, and taken down by, PTA gangster mom. Mind you, our school motto is, “all volunteers are welcome” right. What a freakin’ joke, they don’t like volunteer newbies or shall I say, they hand pick those who won’t oppose a threat to their agenda. What agenda you ask, beats me. All I know, rumor has it, what gangster mom wants, gangster mom gets. “OMGOSH”, last PTA meeting, it was this new, charming, sweet Asian mom who was a student at UCLA, so her kids got transferred to our school. She was so excited to share her new ideas. We all loved her ideas, they were fresh, current, we welcomed her with open arms. That’s until, PTA gangster mom, shot them down and politely give us 111 reasons why, why the agenda was set for the year. We #voted, the maturity won, PTA gangster mom, says, I’m so sorry sweetie, maybe next year. Her devious smile translated, “Bitch, I’m the notorious PTA mom up in here, don’t get it twisted, play by my rules or get the fuck out of my meeting. I will crush you like an ant. This poor innocent new mom, just put her head down and eventually left the meeting and never came back. I missed her, it made me feel like. I wasn’t the only minority. Imagine all the people, you may say I’m a dreamer, more like an eagle. Flying high, somewhere over the rainbow.

So, now, it was my turn, I too, had some creative ideas that in this psychotic twisted PTA gangster mom, felt threatened by. Although I didn’t really know the politic at this particular elementary school yet. I wasn’t fresh off the boat like the Asian mom.  My kid got transferred in 4^th grade and I already had two older kids that culminated from an elementary school. They didn’t know that part, “Shhh”.  What they didn’t know, won’t hurt, they probably thought, I was fairly new to the game. But get this, I chaired several committees at my old school. For me, my other school was boot-camp, I was what you would call a seasoned mom. Believe you me, I’ve seen it all, so don’t come for me, unless I send for you.  At my old school, even though I hated it, I was all about the game, had to the old school taught me well. But you see, this school was my brand-new start and I was really trying so hard to be nice, thinking this elementary school was special, different. I thought I didn’t have to play any political game, boy was I wrong.  It’s so disgusting, to think this kind of stuff actually happens in elementary schools. As PTA gangster mom took her post, yes, she had her own special chair, which read, PTA president on the back it. She passes around the attendance sheet, please sign in, while basking in her cheeriest rosy tone voice.  Any new ideas, she asks at every meeting, I raised my hand, all eyes on me. I’m having a Tupac moment but, instead of sharing street lyrics, I stood up, looked around and removed myself from my PTA duties. You see, although my itch was strong to play the PTA game, I had to bounce, no, I didn’t wait for them to #vote me out. “This is not my first rodeo.”. I got up smiled, waved and left. I am just burnt out from it all, been there done that. Abusive behavior, on any level from anyone, is NOT okay. Love to hate me, I get it, we are all tribal in nature.  All I ask for, is for “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” find out what it means to me. RESPECT. Drop the mic! Not literally. -Dorothy Pincus